I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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