I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
