She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
