They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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