you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
