So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
false alarm, still single
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
