he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
