i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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