Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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