woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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