nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
