It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
