you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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