I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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