I want to walk on stilts...naked
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
