I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
