Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
