now i know why i became what i already was.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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