I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
