8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I will die if light touches me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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