Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
