So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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