VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
