Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
