hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
