I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
