My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
