Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
