I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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