I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
