How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
