Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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