After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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