you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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