Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
