People in love make me want to vomit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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