My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
