So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
