Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
