I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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