her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
