the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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