You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
