Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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