Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
