she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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