if i can run in heels then i can drive
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
