Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
