The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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