Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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