Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I bet he comes in French.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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