Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
