i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
