My first STD was from a foam party
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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