not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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