I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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