If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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