Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
