Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
