I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
