Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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