the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
