omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
