sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
