I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
