At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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