JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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