Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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