You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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